Archive for category Observations
Brooklyn’s Got Balls
Posted by Nehal in Observations on December 16, 2009
Just an observation. And I would find it very hard to believe that I’m the first to make the connection. What?! Didn’t you study this stuff in health class? Anyway, just look at the picture…
Mickey the Hedgehog/Sonic Mouse Or: The New “Fuck You” Face of Disney
Posted by Nehal in Observations on November 6, 2009
There’s been some buzz about Mickey Mouse’s Makeover. When I saw the rendered image of a new “cantankerous and cunning” Mickey, I thought to myself, “My word! That looks just like Sonic the Hedgehog!” (Yes, I sound like Dr. Watson when I think to myself…by Jove!) Anyway, take a look for yourself. I must say it will be fun to watch toddlers hugging this new Mickey at Disneyland; he looks like he’s ready to punch someone in the face.
eHarmony Commercials Are Worse Than The Froth From Satan’s Butthole
Posted by Nehal in Observations, Stupid Bullshit on November 2, 2009
OK, I agree…a little graphic. I have to admit I don’t know much about Satan’s butthole nor the frothy badness that spews from it, but we shall leave the explicit details for another time. Tonight I was watching television when lo a little commercial featuring a web product sold by a Mister Neil Clark Warren comes on. You know the ones:
I’ve got a business and when you’ve got your own business, you’re too busy to form relationships with real people in real life. I mean, I’ve got my own business, people! That’s why I gave eHarmony a try. That’s how I met {insert random name here}…
[Speaker falls in slow motion into {insert random name here}'s arms]
It’s like we just clicked. It’s like we were made for each other…
[Speaker and {insert random name here} exchange a smooch]
I can’t imagine life with {insert speaker’s name here}. I just look at {insert speaker’s name here} and…
[Flash to speaker and {insert random name here} making out in front of camera]
I didn’t think love could be like this…
[Flash to speaker and {insert random name here} in mid-coitus]
Thanks, eHarmony.
[Enter Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony]
Isn’t it great to find true love (except if you’re gay)? With 29 dimensions of compatibility, we’ve removed all the spontaneity and thrill of finding that special someone into a scientific and meticulous process consisting of answering questions and constant disappointment.
Anyway, fuck those eHarmony commercials.
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Lolcats Are Stupid
Posted by Nehal in Observations, Stupid Bullshit on July 31, 2009
OK, so I don’t want to be a hater. I don’t. I’m not a hater. Really! I’m not.
But I really really really really really really hate Lolcats. I don’t quite get it. What is this phenomenon? How has it gotten so popular?
Here’s my impression of how it came about:
Gosh, gee, golly, gee-whiz, that sure is a cute picture of a cat. But no, I, I can’t just send it to all my friends and family and co-workers and passers-by and strangers and such. No, it’s missing something. YES! It needs a caption of some sort. Yeah, as if the cat were trying to say something. Like as if the cat has ATTITUDE! Boffo!
But wait, I have an even better idea! (Gee, golly, I’m so clever!) What if I misspelled the captions so that the cat’s not only got attitude but he can’t fathom our quaint human world with our rules of grammar and bizarre social customs.
OMG, GENIUS!!!!!!!!!
I mean, they’re cute and all, but it’s like pushing cuteness to a whole new level. It’s like punching someone in the face with cuteness.
But won’t someone please think of the children…I mean, cats? It’s like you can’t take a cat seriously anymore. You see a cat pooping and instead of recoiling in disgust, you think, “I Shoodna Eatn Dat Hole Ding!” or two cats fucking and you say to yourself, “OOPS! Where my junk go?” I mean, don’t you remember when you looked at a cat and simply thought, “Meow.” This is borderline animal cruelty. And I’m not afraid to say it once and for all.
UPDATE: Apparently, they’re being turned into a musical. I believe this is one of the four horsemen.
When Did the History Channel Become the Bible Apocalypse Channel
Posted by Nehal in Observations, Personal on April 19, 2009
Seems like the History Channel these days has more and more programming revolving around end-times. There was a program called Nostradamus 2012 a few months back and just today there was a program about the Seven Signs and Armageddon. And tonight there’s something about the “next” Nostradamus. It seems like it was only yesterday all you could see on the History Channel was stuff about The Da Vinci Code and the Bible Code. And it seems like weeks ago that the History Channel had programs about Jesus.
And it seems like eons ago that the History Channel had programming about history.
UPDATE: Here’s a breakdown of the History Channel’s lineup: http://graphjam.com/upcoming/?pid=11861